Understanding me, pregnancy and my dreams....

Most of you know by now that I made an announcement a few weeks back and we are expecting another little bundle joy to be joining our brood. So I thought I'd bare my soul a little more here and answer some questions, clear some things up and share bits and pieces with you about this pregnancy and our journey to be parents.

I know this is not a post you would normally read here, but it's very important to me personally so I hope you will indulge me. As some readers who have followed me from my old blog to here know (and for those who don't know) that the Ben and I have had a rocky road with pregnancy and loss. This baby I'm carrying now is not my third pregnancy, my fourth and even my fifth pregnancy, it's in fact my sixth pregnancy. We have said goodbye to four sweet angels in five years, including our twin girls half way through my first pregnancy. I have blogged the rawness and heartbreak on my old blog, you are welcomed to read more there and here but be warned I have bared everything there and not held back.
What others may or may not know is that as a result of Elle and Meg's loss and subsequent losses between Cohen and Sarah, I suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have also been challenged by Obsessive Compulsive ritualistic thoughts, which I've hinted at here on the blog with references to my wardrobe being in a rebuild mode. These two factors present me with challenges and spikes with my disorders because even with my successful pregnancies I have had big scares and threatened losses. But hey I must grow fighters too (not to say my others weren't) because I have Cohen and Sarah to show for things.

Now having said all of the above I have been determined to push through all the losses and challenges to find my bliss, my happiness and my joy in life. Despite everything and the dark moments, I chase a fulfilled life constantly and smile and rejoice in my blessings each day. With all my hang ups and issues aside, I'm determined with this pregnancy to push the boundaries on my fears to give myself the best chance and last chance (this will be our last babe) to enjoy and do all the things I've been too fearful of every other time since Elle and Meg. It's therefore a massive deal to me personally to be sharing things openly here, even being brave enough to continue to do style posts and not bury my head in the sand.

I just wanted to take a moment with this post to share more of me with you, so you understand me and this journey a little better. I feel safe in doing so because I have only ever encountered support, love and kindness through this beautiful blogging community. With all that being said there is a baby to grow, joys to be had and I hope you'll indulge me with pregnancy and baby posts. But if you know me well enough, and I think most of you do by now, you'll know somehow, someway everything ends up taking on a vintage spin.

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My Vintage Childhood: Understanding me, pregnancy and my dreams....

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Understanding me, pregnancy and my dreams....

Most of you know by now that I made an announcement a few weeks back and we are expecting another little bundle joy to be joining our brood. So I thought I'd bare my soul a little more here and answer some questions, clear some things up and share bits and pieces with you about this pregnancy and our journey to be parents.

I know this is not a post you would normally read here, but it's very important to me personally so I hope you will indulge me. As some readers who have followed me from my old blog to here know (and for those who don't know) that the Ben and I have had a rocky road with pregnancy and loss. This baby I'm carrying now is not my third pregnancy, my fourth and even my fifth pregnancy, it's in fact my sixth pregnancy. We have said goodbye to four sweet angels in five years, including our twin girls half way through my first pregnancy. I have blogged the rawness and heartbreak on my old blog, you are welcomed to read more there and here but be warned I have bared everything there and not held back.
What others may or may not know is that as a result of Elle and Meg's loss and subsequent losses between Cohen and Sarah, I suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have also been challenged by Obsessive Compulsive ritualistic thoughts, which I've hinted at here on the blog with references to my wardrobe being in a rebuild mode. These two factors present me with challenges and spikes with my disorders because even with my successful pregnancies I have had big scares and threatened losses. But hey I must grow fighters too (not to say my others weren't) because I have Cohen and Sarah to show for things.

Now having said all of the above I have been determined to push through all the losses and challenges to find my bliss, my happiness and my joy in life. Despite everything and the dark moments, I chase a fulfilled life constantly and smile and rejoice in my blessings each day. With all my hang ups and issues aside, I'm determined with this pregnancy to push the boundaries on my fears to give myself the best chance and last chance (this will be our last babe) to enjoy and do all the things I've been too fearful of every other time since Elle and Meg. It's therefore a massive deal to me personally to be sharing things openly here, even being brave enough to continue to do style posts and not bury my head in the sand.

I just wanted to take a moment with this post to share more of me with you, so you understand me and this journey a little better. I feel safe in doing so because I have only ever encountered support, love and kindness through this beautiful blogging community. With all that being said there is a baby to grow, joys to be had and I hope you'll indulge me with pregnancy and baby posts. But if you know me well enough, and I think most of you do by now, you'll know somehow, someway everything ends up taking on a vintage spin.

Labels: ,

14 Comments:

At March 5, 2013 at 7:53 AM , Blogger SarahMac said...

Wishing you all the best for this pregnancy Trudi and hoping you are able to enjoy a really smooth ride this time. I'm so sorry to read about your little twins, so very difficult.

 
At March 5, 2013 at 8:00 AM , Blogger Allison said...

and what an exciting journey it is.....enduring loss shapes us like nothing else can. thanks for sharing...your fab!! x

 
At March 5, 2013 at 8:28 AM , Blogger Sunae Reilly said...

I don't think any of us mind sharing this journey with you one bit, Trudie. That's the wonderful thing about blogging - you always find love and support in it! Wishing you all the very best with this pregnancy, and thank you for sharing your story with us. It can't be easy. Xx

 
At March 5, 2013 at 11:56 AM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks Sarah for your kind words. I hope so too, it's always my hope that things will be uneventful and il along nicely.

 
At March 5, 2013 at 11:58 AM , Blogger Trudie said...

Bingo Allison so true it has changed my life immeasurably, but I can see my blessing despite it all. But yes it's true it changes and shapes you like noting else can an in the rawest form.

 
At March 5, 2013 at 12:24 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks sweetie. Blogging has been one of my life savers through it all, having some where to go and talk about it and help others at times too. I stopped adding to my old blog last year and now I only blog on line here (I was doing both for ages) it's one of my creative and happy outlets. If I didn't have blogging, business, study, family to contribute to my blessed life now, I'd have too much time dwell and think in the dark times.

 
At March 6, 2013 at 2:14 AM , Blogger Van said...

Wishing you good vibes and luck on your journey. You've got a great attitude despite everything that's happened. :)

 
At March 6, 2013 at 2:18 AM , Blogger Vix said...

As long as you're happy, I'm happy! Love that dress! x

 
At March 6, 2013 at 4:31 PM , Blogger OP SHOP MAMA said...

That's great that you've come through stronger.. You poor thing having to endure what you have. (makes me feel so lucky)
I also read your wardrobe purge thing - it's amazing how grief affects people.. I can see how far you've come via this blog. You've done amazingly.
There's an awesome Elisabeth Kubler-Ross quote about grief and how suffering and loss shape people who have struggled into beautiful, sensitive and gentle, loving people, as they have a higher degree of awareness and understanding towards others...
x

 
At March 6, 2013 at 9:59 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks Van, life is too short to be destroyed by tragedy despite the facti have young children I need to be at my best to be their best.

 
At March 6, 2013 at 10:00 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

You're a sweetheart. X

 
At March 6, 2013 at 10:03 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Mama thank you. I have come a long way, a huge, huge way from nearly five years ago. I'm a different person, a stronger one, more sensitive and knowing one. What's happened will never go away but I'll do my best to better for it through it.

 
At March 9, 2013 at 9:19 AM , Anonymous Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel said...

Hello, just wanted to say hi, I popped over from My Journey... how terrible to have lost twins, and the other wee tiny babes too. I have four children and the last two are twins. I had three miscarriages/blighted ovums before the twins came along and thank god they were fine. I think there is something extra terrible about losing twins, it's happened to some friends of mine and it's been bloody awful. I was 42 when mine were born, and my eldest has special needs so I was very aware of how bloody luck I was to have them at all, and then that they don't have any special needs.

Big fingers crossed and warm thoughts to you.

 
At March 10, 2013 at 4:54 PM , Blogger Penny-Rose said...

Thankyou for sharing - I do hope this pregnancy goes well. I love reading your blog! x

 

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