Posts aren't often serious and extremely personal around here (sometimes they are but not often at all) but this one is. This past week has been one of the toughest emotionally I've had in quite some time in the lead up to my twin girls memorial day tomorrow. I put it down to life, being pregnant and being caught out unexpectedly by people's comments and questioning of me this week.
Tomorrow marks five years since we lost our sweet girls Elle and Meg halfway through our first pregnancy. I know some of you have read the full story of myself, Elle and Meg here
on my old blog. You're welcomed to pop over and take a read, otherwise I understand if you don't, it's extremely intense emotional reading.
But this post for now is about this being my place and moment in time to be open and take stock, reflect, remember, be thankful and grateful for my life despite the enormity of what I feel sometimes.
So to my sweet dear angel girls, although not a day goes by where you are not in my thoughts. I'm thankful for our time together, even though it wasn't a life together, just time together in your womb home. I understand things just weren't meant to be that you were just so unique and precious (Elle and Meg were mono-mono twins extremely rare type of twins that make up 1% of all twin pregnancies). I know I couldn't have done anything more or better to ensure your journey to a life with us here at home. I feel your presence in my life every day, and often think the two of you are guiding your brother and sister and their antics. Seriously what those two get up to sometimes is just too much for two kids and I often think the two of you play into that energy and set me up for some of the most comical moments I have ever encountered.
I receive your messages and I know you're there, thank you for the blooming flowers on your memorial hibiscus tree. Those huge yellow flowers make me smile wide and appreciate all the colour I have in my world to be thankful for, from those who fill my life to the uniqueness my life has taken on.
Because of you my life is forever changed, but so, so, so full of incredible blessings and opportunities.
Because of you we have Cohen and Sarah and your brother on the way in August.
Because of you I know not to rush ahead planning too far into the future and enjoy the now, this moment.
Because of you I have no fear anymore, I just attack things with the attitude...what's the worse that could happen?
Because of you I have a full incredible life as a stay at home mum, a blogger, a communicator, a business women, a creative, a dream chaser and so much more but most of all.....a mum, your mum.
Because of you I am all that I am and more. I am strong, powerful and confident. I'm not a victim, I'm just someone with a story, with a life with blessings despite your absence.
Because of you I love big.
I love you, both of you, with all of my heart and more.