{Special Edition} 2013 Week 35: My Wednesday Style Collective......

This weeks style collective I am sharing with you all, is really only for one person......ME. I had intended on sharing this post two weeks ago the day before I was booked to have Fraser's c-section. But as you all know now, he was a little eager and decided to get the show on the road two days early. So please with kindness in your heart, I'm opening up to share something very private and personal with you all. It's a chance for me to take my full circle cathartic moment.The following post and picture was written and taken the night before I ended up starting spontaneous labor with Fraser who was born on the 20th of August, something in the air must have told me it was time.

*****
As so many of you now know our back story to starting our family and the loss, trauma and grief not only myself but Ben have been through in the last five and a bit years, this post is a reflective one for me and one to say, look how far you've come mumma.

Five and a bit years ago, my life, my heart, my soul, my everything was turned upside when we lost our Elle and Meg. The knee jerk reaction to that event occurring and the onset of PTSD and triggers to OCD behaviours of ritualistic superstitious thoughts, were catastrophic to a vintage loving persons wardrobe. Bar a few and I mean a very few items in my wardrobe I owned, every other stitch of clothing I owned and had collected over years was thrown away, gone forever, never to be seen again. You might gasp at the thought, but that was just the tip of my raving insanity of grief, PTSD and OCD at the time.

As many of you can probably attest building or even re-establishing a vintage and a uniquely thrifted wardrobe takes time, you can't click your fingers and in a days worth of shopping be ready to go. Curating a vintage wardrobe takes time and patience, much like the healing process. Although I attempted to try and start rebuilding my vintage wardrobe after losing Elle and Meg, when it came to photographing my changing body through Cohen and Sarah's pregnancy I couldn't do it, I wouldn't let people take pictures of me. As a result I have no progress pictures to reflect back on with their pregnancies. I was messed up in epic ways battling internal demons who told me if I did take photos bad things would happen again to us. So sadly there are no beautiful pregnancy photo shoots that were had with their pregnancies, there's nothing which is plain sad. 

But we are here now after years of professional therapy along with me having immersed myself in my passions and interests, I am where I am today. I won't say healed, I'll say healing, I'll be forever healing. But I'm stronger, braver, more determined, more driven and more purposeful for what has happened to me. This below is my big brave stance to my demons, to say that I will not have you rob me of my last chance to cherish every last minute of this pregnancy and to have something to look back on. 

This picture is for me, but I'm sharing it with you all, as scary as it is to make myself vulnerable in doing so. But it's a totem to my journey and a reminder and a mirror, that says look at you now mumma! Look how far you've come! You keep on living your passion with your sweet girls in your heart, you rebuild that wardrobe of yours, you deserve it and more than anything else you are abundantly blessed.

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My Vintage Childhood: {Special Edition} 2013 Week 35: My Wednesday Style Collective......

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

{Special Edition} 2013 Week 35: My Wednesday Style Collective......

This weeks style collective I am sharing with you all, is really only for one person......ME. I had intended on sharing this post two weeks ago the day before I was booked to have Fraser's c-section. But as you all know now, he was a little eager and decided to get the show on the road two days early. So please with kindness in your heart, I'm opening up to share something very private and personal with you all. It's a chance for me to take my full circle cathartic moment.The following post and picture was written and taken the night before I ended up starting spontaneous labor with Fraser who was born on the 20th of August, something in the air must have told me it was time.

*****
As so many of you now know our back story to starting our family and the loss, trauma and grief not only myself but Ben have been through in the last five and a bit years, this post is a reflective one for me and one to say, look how far you've come mumma.

Five and a bit years ago, my life, my heart, my soul, my everything was turned upside when we lost our Elle and Meg. The knee jerk reaction to that event occurring and the onset of PTSD and triggers to OCD behaviours of ritualistic superstitious thoughts, were catastrophic to a vintage loving persons wardrobe. Bar a few and I mean a very few items in my wardrobe I owned, every other stitch of clothing I owned and had collected over years was thrown away, gone forever, never to be seen again. You might gasp at the thought, but that was just the tip of my raving insanity of grief, PTSD and OCD at the time.

As many of you can probably attest building or even re-establishing a vintage and a uniquely thrifted wardrobe takes time, you can't click your fingers and in a days worth of shopping be ready to go. Curating a vintage wardrobe takes time and patience, much like the healing process. Although I attempted to try and start rebuilding my vintage wardrobe after losing Elle and Meg, when it came to photographing my changing body through Cohen and Sarah's pregnancy I couldn't do it, I wouldn't let people take pictures of me. As a result I have no progress pictures to reflect back on with their pregnancies. I was messed up in epic ways battling internal demons who told me if I did take photos bad things would happen again to us. So sadly there are no beautiful pregnancy photo shoots that were had with their pregnancies, there's nothing which is plain sad. 

But we are here now after years of professional therapy along with me having immersed myself in my passions and interests, I am where I am today. I won't say healed, I'll say healing, I'll be forever healing. But I'm stronger, braver, more determined, more driven and more purposeful for what has happened to me. This below is my big brave stance to my demons, to say that I will not have you rob me of my last chance to cherish every last minute of this pregnancy and to have something to look back on. 

This picture is for me, but I'm sharing it with you all, as scary as it is to make myself vulnerable in doing so. But it's a totem to my journey and a reminder and a mirror, that says look at you now mumma! Look how far you've come! You keep on living your passion with your sweet girls in your heart, you rebuild that wardrobe of yours, you deserve it and more than anything else you are abundantly blessed.

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45 Comments:

At September 4, 2013 at 9:10 AM , Blogger Iliska Dreams said...

My first thought on seeing the image was what a cute butt. Then I stopped and took in the whole of you, the glowingly pregnant beautiful you. I am in awe of you and what you have done.
I have a small inkling of your pain. Five years of trying to have a baby and four miscarriages sent me to a very dark place. Like you some really OCD and some really destructive behaviours. I would only undress and dress when it was dark. I showered in the dark and would not look at my body. I hated it so much for failing me.
The hate is still there, but now I am trying to appreciate what it has given me with my two amazingly wonderful children.
I wish I had your strength and courage, you are shining with light and love. Thank you so much for sharing.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:11 AM , Blogger Gillian for Tessie Girl said...

You are beautiful. And strong and wonderful. x x x

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:18 AM , Blogger Alison Parks said...

Just gorgeous! It's so lovely and romantic to look back on pregnancy photos. Congratulations :-) Cheers, Alison

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:27 AM , Blogger Me said...

What an amazing post - and what an amazing lady ! I think you look absolutely beautiful - glowing and reflective - I love it !
I think you should be so proud of how much you have grown and how wonderful you are as a Mom to three fantastic children !
Love, hugs and positive energy !
Me

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:28 AM , Blogger Cassandra said...

What a beautiful picture. Big hugs to you Mumma xo

 
At September 4, 2013 at 10:01 AM , Blogger Coal Valley View said...

Firstly, hugest Congratulations!!! I thought you had a few more week to go! Such wonderful news and he is just the cutest thing ever. And what an absolutely beautiful photo of you above - thank you for sharing. Enjoy your little man. Mel x

 
At September 4, 2013 at 10:11 AM , Blogger Erica Louise said...

Amazing, beautiful and reflective post. Trudie you are a true inspiration x

 
At September 4, 2013 at 1:56 PM , Blogger Allison said...

your amazing! and im so happy for you trudes x

 
At September 4, 2013 at 4:09 PM , Blogger Veronica Moran said...

best wishes to you and your lovely family.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 5:32 PM , Blogger Vix said...

Beautiful post, Trudie. That's one heck of an empowering image, you should get it framed so that it can serve as a constant reminder of what a brave and fabulous person you are. xxx

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:29 PM , Blogger Loo xx from Jumbles and Pompoms said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Trudie. You are a strong and beautiful woman. Enjoy your time with little Fraser. xx

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:35 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thank you sweetheart for such touching words and for sharing your story here with me too. I hope that you can find peace and strength.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:38 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Ditto to you baby. Big love to you. X

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:38 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Than you Alison for all your support.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:40 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thank you honey. I am proud that I've made it this far.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:48 PM , Blogger Max said...

Ahh, lovely! Enjoy this special time lovely x

 
At September 4, 2013 at 7:51 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks Sweets. X

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:07 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks Mel, there was no way my little bod was going to keep carrying for a few more weeks....I could barely walk. Fraser decided a week early was perfect.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:09 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks my sweet. I'm glad to have done it for me and honoured to share it and be so supported.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:10 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Big love to you my love, thank you for your continued support and encouragement. X

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:10 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thanks Veronica.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:23 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Oh Vix you're a doll. Thank you. You know I think I will pop a copy of it in a special place......and I've got just the place for it too.

 
At September 4, 2013 at 8:24 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

My pleasure and thank you. X

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:00 PM , Blogger vintagemovement said...

With tears welling I cannot say enough about this amazing post... Thank you dearly for sharing with such raw honesty and first and foremost I am again so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous little girls and everything you have been through. Your story has brought me much comfort and a bit more courage for the future, so thank you Trudie. Most of all I love that you did this for yourself.. I can only imagine how hard it was to face at the time - thrilled you have this beautiful keepsake. xx Tina

 
At September 4, 2013 at 9:16 PM , Blogger Deb @ home life simplified said...

Beautiful hon, the words and the photo xxx

 
At September 5, 2013 at 3:42 AM , Blogger pastcaring said...

What a wonderful photo, Trudie, a true testament to the healing process and all your efforts to continue life in a healthy, happy way. xxxx

 
At September 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM , Blogger Elisa {With Grace and Eve} said...

Congratulations! Beautiful picture, and beautiful post. It shines of love and strength xx

 
At September 6, 2013 at 7:56 AM , Blogger Lila Wolff said...

What a beautiful picture, not just the image but the strength and story behind it.
You're an amazing woman.

 
At September 6, 2013 at 1:04 PM , Blogger Maxabella said...

Abundantly blessed and beautiful inside and out, Trudie.

And I love your pants!? ;)

x

 
At September 6, 2013 at 4:41 PM , Blogger Angels have Red Hair said...

Just beautiful!

 
At September 6, 2013 at 6:02 PM , Blogger BellaBean Vintage said...

Beautiful post and photo - well done you XX

 
At September 7, 2013 at 10:55 AM , Blogger Rhianna SG said...

Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you lovely lady xx

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thank you so much Deb.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

That's exactly what I strive for Hun, I don't ever want to lay down and succumb to being a victim. I'm always chasing happy wherever I go.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Such sweet words thank you.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

I continue to hope by being open and honest about these journeys that I can help others with my stories. Thank you.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Nawww thank you sweets.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thank you.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Thank you, thank you.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Such a sweet sentiment thank you.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 6:20 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Enjoying every last first.

 
At September 7, 2013 at 6:22 PM , Blogger Trudie said...

Oh Tina, big love to you lady, thank you for sharing such beautiful words. I hold you dear in my thoughts hoping prayers are answered. X

 
At September 8, 2013 at 3:34 PM , OpenID randomactsofzen.com said...

This is so beautiful, the lovely energy radiates from your photo. x

 
At September 13, 2013 at 8:42 PM , Blogger Lea said...

Beautifully written and bravely shared strong lady. Gorgeous belly too xo

 
At September 21, 2013 at 8:23 PM , Blogger Anne M said...

I want to write something but I don't know what to say. Beautiful, just beautiful.

Much love my friend,
Anne xx

 

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